shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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