the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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