i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
