so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
