I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
