U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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