I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
