i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
