Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
