yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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