Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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