Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We have so much sex to catch up on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
