My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
