Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize