you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We need to get me chipped asap
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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