Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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