shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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