NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
