it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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