man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize