When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize