True but thats because hes a fetus.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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