So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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