Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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