He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
