What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize