so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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