Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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