Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
