Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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