I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
