I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
