remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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