marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
