This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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