Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
