I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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