Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
