you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I sprained my soul last night
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
