Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
why is half of my head shaved?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
