What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
