porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
