he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
