I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its liver damage thursday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
