Please, let me fuck your mom
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
