I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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