Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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