This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
