Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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