come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
