Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
