Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
