I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
