someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
