i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
