Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
