You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
