Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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