guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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