I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
