Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
