Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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