I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
