True but thats because hes a fetus.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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