I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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