This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
