I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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